Just another day on the Sinwagon

Oh. my. god.

I never realized exactly -how- dysfunctional my bilogical family was, until yesterday, which was only impacted further by today’s wonderful activities.

Yesterday, I go with my mom to the store, and I take Jacksyn.  Vaiy didn’t want to go, she was bowling with my grandma on the Wii game and decided that she wanted to stay.  Well about a half hour after I’d left, Vaiy decided she wanted to go looking for me. 

She wanted the keys to the car, and from what my grandmother said, she refused to get out.  They had to “drag” her “kicking and screaming” out of the car.  For any who know my daughter, that is just -not- in her scope of behavior.  My daughter doesn’t kick and scream and she never has to be -drug- anywhere.

She was convinced that I’d left and I was never coming back.  Now, knowing how volitile the situation is, my grandmother decides that it’s all right to let Vaiy go outside and play anyway. 

 My mother and I are on our way back from the store, we turn onto the Highway and there’s a woman pulled off on the side of the road.  My mother stops, rolls down the window and asks if she needs help.  And what tiny little girl is standing there, over a half a mile from my mother’s house on the side of the highway, why…yes, it’s my 5 year old daughter.

After a fit of panic that lasts about .3 seconds, I jump out of the truck, run across the highway and I grab my daughter and hit my knees in the gravel.  I’ve got her wrapped in my arms, I’m sobbing and thanking this woman endlessly.  The cops were called, so she had to call them back and tell them that the mother had been found.  All is well.  Well, not really, because I’m on fire and my mother’s pretty pissed as well.

We get back to the house, and my grandmother and her sister my Great Aunt Linda, are standing outside, and so is my Step Dad. 

Not one fucking apology.

Not one.

If I’d lost T.T’s son, I’d have fallen all over myself, on my hands and knees sobbing and begging her forgiveness, but instead, they’re berating my 5 year old daughter as if she were some common criminal for “running off”.  Vaiyanen got a spanking for leaving with out an adult, but I’ll admit it was half hearted.  Did I mention in the hour or so that I was gone, that my DAUGHTER DISAPEARED!

I’m upset, and rightfully so.  But I’m not allowed to be upset, I’m not allowed to blow it out of porportion, I’m not allowed to cry or be angry.  Because it was all Vaiy’s fault and had nothing to do with my grandmother.

Right?

Wrong.

Oh, but this is just the beginning.  My grandmother goes further, by spending the rest of the evening going on and on and on about how it’s not her fault, and then starts with the little comments..”Well, if one of you slips in that mess you made on the floor in the kitchen, it’s not my fault, I won’t be responsible for everyone around here getting hurt.” …and little shit like that, all night-fucking-long.

So about 8 pm, I decide that I need to go…

I get in the car that my God-parents had provided me, and I leave.  I take the kids, and we get home and we decompress.  Thank god for letting me have a safe haven.  I told my Dad (Bob-dad) about  what happened..(Katy-mom too), and they aggreed that it wasn’t really Vaiy’s fault.  So I wasn’t just being bias.

So today, I’ve had sufficient time to cool off, right?  I go out for breakfast with Jack (Vaiy was with Papa Bob at work this morning), and we buy a pie from Shari’s.  Yay for pie!  I pick up the Vaiy and we take off for the hour drive to Ephrata where my biological mother lives.  I get there, and grandma’s car is still parked out front.

I take a deep breath, consider that she’s old and cantankerous, and I take the kids inside. Jack hands the pie to mom and I slide off to the potty, cause well..it was a long dive and I had a lot of coffee.  As I’m doing my business, I hear my grandmother bitching about the pie, because she thinks it’s going to be nasty.  Now, she’s been picking at me since Sunday night.  Nevermind that I have cancer.  Nevermind that I’m overwhelmed and tired. Nevermind that I’m dealing with tons of other shit.  Nevermind any of that.  The only person that matters, is grandma. 

Wash my hands, and sit down at the kitchen table with my grandma and mom.  We start swapping recipes, talking about this and that…everything is good, everything is fine.  Until my grandmother decides to ask,

“Did you tell the Sessions about what Vaiy did yesterday?”

Now I didn’t want to talk about this. It was said and done and I just wanted to let it go.  But I answered her.

“Yes, and Bob was pretty angry.”

 I gave a little eye brow raise, well, because I can, and she responds with…

“Well I hope you told them the truth and not your version of the truth, we all know how you lie to them to make us out to be Monsters.”

And so it begins…the days of their lives.  They live for Drama. These people can’t get enough. If they aren’t yelling and screaming at each other, if someone isn’t dying or crying, then they aren’t fucking happy.  And hypocrites, let me tell you about some hypocrites. Though my tone is getting a little terse, I keep my tongue and I’m like..

“I didn’t tell them anything, that wasn’t told to me Grandma…”

G – “well, I know you blamed me yesterday…”

F – “Yes, I did, and I still do, but that’s my perrogative.  I don’t want to get into this grandma, it’s over and done with and it’s not worth fighting over.”

Well, apparently it was worth fighting over, because my mother starts slamming her hand on the table, her voice is raising, my grandmother’s flipping out on me, and I’m staring between the two of them like..”what the fucking fuck?”  I throw up my hands and I’m like…

 ”Okay, we’re leaving…”

 And as I’m walking out the door, my grandmother’s parting words to me were…

“….little bitch….”

 Which, of course didn’t get any reaction but the obvious from me.  I turned around, walked back inside, and for the first time in my life, I let both of them have it like I’ve never let them have it before.  World War Faynie has begun.  People are slinging insults, my mother is screaming at me, my grandmother is screaming at me, my Step Dad is screaming at all of us to shut up.  I tried to leave like 18 times in the course of 12 seconds…

Finally, to make a long story short, because I’m making myself ill with the details, I left after my mother all but  told me that I got everything I deserved as a kid because I “wasn’t the easiest child to deal with”. 

But the amazing thing out of it all, is…

 I’m not angry.  I’m not hurt, I’m not even really upset.  I’m just glad my head ache has finally gone away.  And I feel like I’ve finally had some closure.  Because they all know exactly what I think of them.

Ha.

Miss “I feel liberated” Fayne